Not So Honest Mistakes
by Blase Contradiction
Summary: She has everything she could ever want...except for that little diamond on her finger.Then there's the fact that the boyfriend is denser than she is and thinks she' s cheating with her close friend who isn't straight ...what's a girl to do to get engaged?
1. January Assumptions

**Hello people of FanFiction!! I know I shouldn't be putting this up seeing as I am way behind schedule with Hemorrhage (the second one might take a while to get up) but i will anyway!! Haha...I got this idea from...actually, i Don't rememmebr. Yea...But i thought it might be pretty cool. This is a story that takes place about eight years after graduation and there will be 13 chapters and i planned it smart this time. Hehe...It's easier to understand cause it'll be very obvious but think a little okay?? And No, there aren't as many gigantic words in here as compared to Hemorrhage...Yeah, so it's basically about the stupidity of guy sometimes and more or less focuses on the drama in the upcoming chapters. Sumire isn't playing a bad charactar but newly founded (at least for me..i dint read the manga) villain, Koizumi Luna plays the shadow here...yay!! Anyway, keep a lookout for this...cause it's going to be the closest thing to humans they're going to get. They DO have their Alices but it's toned down abit so they'll seem more like normal humans...So watch out!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own (sniff) this amazingly backbreakingly funny/dark anime/manga (though I wish I did) and neither do I own the CIA, Paris Hilton/Tinkerbell (who would want to anyway?), Brown, Queen of Babble, any part of New York, Hershey's etc. etc. etc...**

* * *

_Dedicated to  
**archdemonlord  
**You've been a real inspiration to me!_

_In light of the situation..._

_...assumptions are not to be taken lightly..._

* * *

"January is the quietest month in the garden. ...

**But just because it looks quiet  
****doesn't mean that nothing is happening."**

_- Rosalie Muller Wright_

* * *

**Chapter 1: January Assumptions**

Okay, maybe I _did_ set myself up for my own misery. I know I was the one to have thought, 'Maybe he can read my minds, too!'

Maybe I thought that he was a certified genius, not the total arrogant bastard-y genius of the century. But, come on! Even Ruka, who I must say is totally way more wimpy and is happily married to Hotaru who is **way** more expressionless than _moi_ (but not so much now since they tied the knot!), could figure out a way to ask her to marry him when found out what his ladylove was thinking.

I thought Natsume was smarter than that.

About six months after graduation, we'd decided we had had enough of Japan's Alice scene. So, we hitched on our bags, clamped on some Alice controllers and headed out to New York! Natsume (genius….not!) made it big in the international espionage industry (not that anyone knew about his Alice) and climbed his way up the ladder of Integrity (if his boss, Mark in the CIA explained one more time, I swear I will scream!)

Ruka (surprise, surprise!) landed a partnership with one of the best veterinarians in the city (Paris Hilton totally made out with him after he save Tinkerbell from choking on a pink diamond…much to Hotaru's displeasure). Hotaru became an internationally acclaimed (she wouldn't have it any other way) robotics engineer, specializing in children's toys; a contract with Toy Wonderland worth a Nett of 1,000,000!

As for little old me, I opted to continue college seeing as I wasn't the brightest bean in the pod. I was (surprisingly) accepted into Brown. There wasn't much one could do with a Nullification Alice (which rarely came in handy) and an (apparently) incriminatingly loud voice. But that fact definitely made jaws drop. Especially the jaw of one Hyuuga Natsume.

After four years of toiling and hard-work, I left Brown with a masters' in English literature and a degree in the history of fashion! (I totally got the idea from 'Queen of Babble' but I didn't actually thing that Brown has a course for it!) With those astounding (?) degrees on my resume, you'd think I'd have achieved something huge.

Nope.

Not a chance.

I got stuck with one of the most boring jobs known to man.

Editorial assistant at _Dollars and Sense_, a total knock-off financial magazine.

Even their name was boring and so unoriginal! Everyday, it took a crowbar or a burn of Natsume's Alice (which I chastised him for, having not totally recovered from the reduction of health the Fire Alice did) to pry me out of the huge Greenwich loft (well…more like a penthouse) that we shared with when we first moved here.

Then…mercy came from the high of heaven! (about time…I waited a year!)

Yuu, apparently the heir to a giant publishing behemoth, read some of the stuff I'd written when I was in college. He gave me a proposition he wanted to show to his father. Tobita-sama wanted a cornerstone for his company Jubilant Publications. So, Yuu hired me as (get this juicy tidbit) editor-in-chief, in charge of a staff of way more experienced people. He told me that it was my creativity that really mattered. Aw….

Safe to say, I was shocked beyond compare, nearly to the point of crying when I heard I was going to be able to quit the old financial-magazine-bore work grind! But that day, in my mind, whirring with all these fresh ideas for a snarky, tell-it-like-it-is and cutting edge New York magazine, _In Her Head _magazine was born.

So…here I am, eight years after flying from the Alice scene that nearly killed us all, a proud graduate of Brown University, a terrible job at a financial bore of a magazine, my best friend's wedding, an amazing dream job I never expected to happen and a move from Greenwich to Park Avenue and visiting places I'd only ever dreamed about while on assignment, I find my boyfriend (didn't really believe it myself) and I are twenty-six, living together for an odd amount of years (moving from Greenwich was hard after Hotaru and Ruka got married…heck, so many memories…I even lost my virginity there!) and yes, Hyuuga still doesn't have a clue!

Bloody hell, I could have paraded in front of him in nothing but a thong with the words tattooed across my forehead and he still wouldn't know head or tails as to what I was thinking! Can a man so damned smart be so damned thick?!

Apparently, he can.

My colleagues, Anna (engaged to Koko, their wedding is in fall) who is my managing director; Nonoko (just back from her honeymoon with Yuu in St. Bart's) who is my in-house photographer and Jansen Ives (my ultimate gay best friend with a fashion sixth sense that helped me through my more depressed days…I swear, he's the best creative director I've ever met!) all say that maybe I hadn't quite dropped enough hints.

They're just trying to be comforting.

Not enough hints?

Bah!

That's _**SO**_ not the problem!

I've strategically dropped, placed, hidden, pasted and stuffed magazines EVERYWHERE all over the apartment!! I've changed my ring tone from '4 minutes to save the world' (my new favorite song! I swear, Madonna will last forever!) to Pachelbel's Canon in D Major (my ideal violin suite). I've stared at that platinum engagement ring in Tiffany's for hours while we (yes, while he's with me) walk along the Upper East Side.

**HELL!!**

I've been wearing excessive white lately for **EVERY FRICKING DAY!! **

And you might think he would've gotten the memo!

You would think…

…did he get it?

NO!!

I'll admit that he's an annoying jerk and deserves to rot for all the misery he's put me through, in and out of the Academy. That he'll always call me 'Polka' (he dropped 'baka' after I got into Brown…after dancing around him in a jubilant circle). That'll he'll never admit to himself what I learned after over eight years with him…at least not properly.

I'll admit that I am totally, irrevocably, unconditionally, immortally, undoubtedly in love with Hyuuga Natsume.

And that I want to marry him…

…if he ever figures it out and asks me…

…if I accept (of course I WILL!)…

…if he ever stops being so stupid…

…Oh Lord…

…I want to marry him…

…and I'm actually waiting for him…

…I'm was so stupid.

* * *

--,--,--,

I skipped down to Barry's, my favorite bakery after leaving a soft-smiling Hotaru. She was smiling a lot more nowadays thanks to Ruka. It was wonderful and terrible what marriage did to a human's life.

It determined how your life was going to change. It mellowed you with a sort of warmth and made you all happy and giddy inside, as if you got a whole sack of Hershey's even if the euphoria lasted for only a short time.

If it took a turn for the worst, it would go horribly wrong. It would crack you wide open for the world to see. Your mistake. I was afraid because the chances of that happening because the odds are two million to two at the most. And I wanted us to stay together forever. But we'd been through so much, I knew we'd click!

I think.

Oh Lord…I'm doubting it.

I sound like a New York-ized version of Pollyanna or Anne of Green Gables.

Then again, I always was that optimistic freak you tried to run away from. I always believed in the motto of _In Her Head_; breathe deep, live life to the most. The words always graced the cover in a pretty fuchsia highlighter. I opened the door to Barry's eighteenth century-styled bakery and was immediately attacked by a bombshell of aromas that must have come straight from heaven.

Behind the counter, kneading bread while leafing through a copy of _In Her Head's_ December/New Year issue, Barry was the epitome of a grandfather. His hair that used to be chocolate brown was streaked here and there with grey and he had a face so adorably sweet, I could have imagined him and Jii-chan being best friends. His hands made magic and he had a heart made of gold.

And he made the best savarin in the whole world!

I came in, smiling widely as I could. "I think he's going to ask me tonight!" I exclaimed to him when he looked up from his bread. He grinned and began toweling off his hands. Coming round the counter, he swept me off my feet and hugged me.

"Really?"

"Yeah! I really, really think so!"

His grin faded to a sad smile. He had a young daughter who got her hopes up a little too high with her long time ex-boyfriend. The higher she flew, the harder she hit the ground when she realized he wasn't going to commit. She got married to a nice man later but Barry swore he would never let anyone he knew go through that kind of same pain she went through.

"So it's not confirmed?"

"Erm, no," I faltered. Then I grinned again. "But I really do think it's REALLY going to happen!"

"Remember the close attack last Christmas?"

"Don't remind me."

"So, why do you think the blur case is going to finally propose?"

"Well," I said, smiling thoughtfully at the memory. "I was putting away the laundry in his underwear drawer (by the way, did you know he wear black boxers with pink flamingoes!?) and I saw this velvet box among the boxers! It wasn't the type of dark blue velvet but this pretty _**white**_ velvet case! And there was a _**blue**_ ribbon on it!"

"And the colors have a significance?"

"Hello?" I said, chastising him. "Read _In Her Head_ lately? Tiffany's! I know he's going to ask! I just know it!"

"Did you open the case?"

"Well, no, I mean, invasion of privacy!"

He smiled wickedly. "No, Mikan," he said in a teasing tone. "Opening an unwrapped velvet box is satisfying curiosity. Sifting through a guy's underwear drawer? _That's_ invasion of privacy."

I shrugged. "It's not as if the laundry is going to walk to the drawers and fold themselves. Oh, wait," I said as Pachelbel's Canon started ringing. I faintly registered the look of sympathy on Barry's face as Jansen's voice echoed in my ear. I was given this tiny Palm Pilot sized laptop phone from Hotaru for my last birthday; it's one of her most promising inventions and I got the first one! "Hey, darling, what's up?"

"Oh, doll, I found the absolute_ best_ coverline for the January issue!"

"Talk to me."

"Okay," he said. "Get this. 'New Secrets for a New Year, What Really Happened On New Year's Eve'. We get some celebs to spill some of their most secretive secrets, accidents, events etc. that happened during the New Year's Eve party."

"Can I tell you again how much I love you?"

"I know, darling," he replied. "Okay, Yuu wants us to do something about that same old advice thingy they always do about relationships. You know the drill. 'How to keep your man satisfied', 'Ten steps to a successful relationship', yada yada yada…"

"Change it," I ordered. "Something snarky…something…ooh! Get this, 'How To Lose Your Loser'."

"Love it! Fabulous as usual. And Nina wants to know what's on the 'Off-Diet' food section."

"Barry's Bakery," I said with a smile at the said owner.

"Got it."

"How's tonight's plans going? All done?"

"Girl, Ted owes me for ditching that dinner date for that last minute 'Queer Eye For The Straight Guy' Christmas episode. He'll do anything to get back in my good books."

"Only you, Jan, only you."

"Right back at you. So I'll meet you at your house at sixteen hundred hours?"

"What?"

"Four o'clock, doll. We need to catch you up on your military movies."

"You need to tone it down. How many times have you seen Vin Diesel half naked and soaking wet on the big screen?"

"Countless darling."

"Okay, kisses!"

I turned back to Barry. He had pulled out the dark chocolate coated moist chocolate cake I'd ordered this morning and was putting the finishing touches. 'Happy Eighth Year Anniversary, Darling! We're Still Together!' was piped onto the surface and I felt a soft smile on my face. "He so doesn't deserve what he's getting," Barry proclaimed after looking at his masterpiece. "You especially."

"I don't deserve him," I replied.

"Oh, yes you do," he retorted.

"I don't know how to tell you how much I don't deserve him."

"Do you want to know what you really don't deserve?"

"What?"

"The period of time he's made you wait."

"I'll forgive him for that."

"Hell if I let you."

* * *

--,--,--,--,

I smelled the savory aroma of lamb shanks the moment I the elevator opened to our apartment. I wasn't supposed to be home from Japan for a couple of hours but hey, I didn't really think of Japan as home anymore. Wherever she was, there was home. I grinned to myself when I saw a slender figure toiling away in the kitchen and scrutinized her.

She'd been constantly wearing the color white lately. I thought It was just the trendiest color of late (I wasn't sure…as much as I loved her, I hated fashion as much as the next guy). Odd. I vaguely recalled her saying it was dark green.

Also, she'd changed her ringtone (4 minutes to save the world? Pfft! I've saved it a million times in only two!) to Canon in D Major. That was weird since I didn't peg her for the classical music kind.

Then there was that whole staring episode at the Tiffany's on the Upper East Side. That was embarrassing since I'd walk three blocks when I finally realized she wasn't with me and she thwacked me within an inch of my life for not remembering her.

When I asked Imai (apparently sort of daze-y due to her newlywed status) she merely clucked her tongue and glared at me with an are-you-dumb look then proceeded to shoot at me with that blasted Idiot Gun of hers. Bloody invention freak. I don't know what Ruka sees in her. That part, I will never understand. Other than that, the apartment seemed like a newsstand of late. Everywhere I went, a bridal magazine was sitting there (even on the toilet seat). I figured it was just the after-effects of Imai's wedding.

My thoughts had been whirling around Mikan lately. She was a one-of-a-kind girl I'd always wanted and though I'd never said it out loud yet, I loved her. The first girl I ever kissed, the first girl I'd ever punched. The first girl to have ever slept with me (and not in the platonic way either). She was a lot of firsts for me.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and laid my head on her shoulder, breathing in her scent. It always smelled the same; the kind of smell that sunshine seemed it would smell like, mixed with the sweet scent of chocolate. She turned to me, a dazzling smile on her face when she saw it was me. But years of training had taught me never to trust a smile unless it reached the eyes. This one did but there was a lot of surprise mixed in there too.

"You seemed surprised to see me." It wasn't a question. "What, do you have another man in bed or something?"

"Not exactly," she said, smiling. My grip slacked but she laughed. Obviously the expression on my face pleased her.

"Ah, what a happy scene," I heard. I spun, ready to punch the heck out of the guy that was canoodling around with my girlfriend. All that I saw was that oddball of a gay friend of hers, Jansen Ives (even his name was prissy…damned fag). "Relax, Hyuuga," he purred. "Unless I have to help you in the bedroom." I felt my face flush as I tried to imagine what he would do.

I remembered that when I first met him, he didn't know who I was and tried flirting with me. Probably the most horrifying experience in my life. Ugh…I will forever be scarred. "Chill, I was just here helping little Mikan prepare the welcome dinner which you are…oh, two hours early for! Didn't you know you're supposed to be fashionably late? It never goes out of style that habit."

I heard her gurgle out a laugh and my heart sped up. Damn it.

She smiled shyly as realization and a blush (I don't do that very often…just more than I used to) came upon my face. "Uh, thanks," I mumbled.

Jansen smiled and left, leaving us to get on with dinner. "I wasn't expecting you back so early," she said after a quiet dinner with light conversations in between. We were on the white, thick carpet on the floor, sipping red Cabernet Sauvignon. No lights but the fireplace (even if it was only January, winter was still there, just winding away) crackled.

"Yeah," I said then pulled her close. "But I just couldn't wait to get to my couch."

She laughed and I felt a warmth in my gut, somewhere that I never really was conscious existed. Just indigestion, I thought.

"Dummy."

"Whatever," I said with my trademark smirk and felt hot desire rush up to my heart. "Now pull those pants down and let's the real anniversary started."

Many glasses of wine and one sweaty sex-drenched hour later, we were lying in the huge bed, snuggled up against each other, just lying there, reveling in the closeness. I looked down at her hazel hair and thought, damn, this girl is mine. And for some reason, I felt a tender tug in the gut again. Then I recalled something.

I got out of bed and went to my underwear drawer (I think I heard her snort) and pulled out a palm-sized velvety box. Settling back on the bed, I heard her gasp and a choking sound. I looked to her face and wonders be, I saw the brightest smile I'd ever seen on her face. I pressed it into her hand and her eyes widened. I thought, Good job, Hyuuga. She tried to say something but I covered her mouth with a kiss. "I know," I whispered. "Open it."

She did…

…and gawked.

She lifted out the tiny Palm Pilot I'd bought while I was in California. "State of the art organizer, tiny as a cell phone, just about the best of the best on the market. You can use it for anything, just in case your memory gets a little foggy."

"I-I…I…I don't know what to…say," she garbled out, tears forming in her eyes. Ah, tears of happiness.

"No need to thank me," I said. "Plant one right here and we'll be even." I gestured to my lips. She leaned down and kissed me but it felt like kissing a marble statue. "Darling, that dinner was fantastic, you know that? I hope you stay with me forever. Happy anniversary."

"Happy anniversary to you too. Thanks," she said…

…before bursting into tears. She dropped the PDA on the bed and made a mad dash for her closet. Then it hit me.

Those weren't tears of happiness.

I didn't notice the despair, thinking it was happiness in her eyes.

She just ran into her universal closet…complete with an elevator down to the in-house restaurant and the back door.

Good job, Hyuuga.

Just wonderful.

* * *

**Author's Note: So you've read it...it is more on the lines of a Little Black Dress Book but I hope you like the New York scene i created..hehe...yum..l8r aligator!**

* * *


	2. February Complications

**Sorry it's so short but I didn't really understand the need for this chapter myself...hehe..okay. hope it's okay and i wish you well!...cue the drama! **

_Dedicated to  
**archdemonlord  
**You've been a real inspiration to me!_

_In light of the situation..._

_...assumptions are not to be taken lightly..._

**

* * *

"Wishing and wanting  
to see you;  
I step on thin ice."  
**- _Madoka Mayuzumi_

* * *

**Chapter 2: February Complications**

The February issue was going to be special, I decided. With Valentine's Day just around the corner and February being the month where most winter weddings (highly popular as of late) took plac, _In Her Head_ would do a Jansen-Mikan inspired theme for the occasion, much to the pleasure (or so we hoped) of the target audience (please, even if they weren't getting married, our magazine would still out-sell some other glossies).

_**Weddings Throughout the Centuries: The Beautiful and the Grotesque**_ was the coverline. It would feature the weddings of princess and kings from the 19th century to the celeb-royalty weddings of today. Every girl's dream wedding gown guide(exactly like in 'Queen of Babble: Babble in the Big City') and an exclusive interview with Vera Wang.

The element would include location, decoration, tips, major celebrity wedding recaps and reliable wedding planners. It would be one of _In Her Head_'s best.

Life was hectic.

Life was boring.

Life was wonderful.

Life was good.

Life was…life was depressing.

After Natsume's gift (which ipso facto made me think was a wedding ring…so not…), I ran away to my personal walk-in closet, threw half my closet into the humongous Anna Sui bag I found, jumped into the bellhop (cable wires so they wouldn't break under my weight…I use this way when I was being stalked a few years back) and later, jumped into a yellow cab, crying all the way to the Jubilant Publications offices.

I never saw Natsume after that as I threw myself into my work, climbing to make the January issue perfect.

Lot of help that did me.

He came to the office everyday but thankfully, Jenny, my wonderful,_** married**_, six-month pregnant and snarky assistant (God, do I love her…she brings me my daily caffeine cup) tells him I'm busy with lunches and meeting. Once, he didn't believe her and practically kicked down my door, totally not the right thing to do in front of a hormonal, six-month pregnant and maternally protective Jenny, because upon finding I wasn't there (I was in the sample closet where all our free designer clothes were kept), Jenny began poking into him about his total mistake (go, Jenny!) and kicked him out.

I had been crashing at Hotaru's (with Ruka), intruding on the newlyweds' home and felt all the guilt heaped on even though Ho-chan insisted that it was alright. Okay, so not! I mean, you don't crash at your two-month wed friends' house unless you're totally out of options.

Which I was.

Yuu just found out Nonoko is pregnant (honeymoon baby, baby!) and they hadn't been seen outside their apartment for the past three days…who knew Yuu was like that. And Anna was busy with her wedding preparations and home was like a stress-release zone and you do not intrude on your friend's stress-release. Sumire and Mochu totally said no…it was their six-month anniversary and they said no guests. So I was stuck with Hotaru until I got my wallet, Filofax and make-up…all of which I left on my dressing table.

I rested my forehead on the cool metal café table, my cappuccino giving out a comforting scent. The Book was sprawled open in front of me but I wasn't paying attention. I let the knowledge that Barry was going to make me a moist chocolate cake later rest my heart as thoughts of Natsume danced around in my head.

Okay, so I hated the guy for being so damned un-detestable rock me to anger. So I loved him so much that it made me hate him for being so insensitive.

"If you're going to keep second-guessing his feelings, you might as well just get back with him," I heard Hotaru's monotonous voice say. I looked up and I saw Ruka and Hotaru looking at me, the former looking quiet sorry for me. "I mean, there's no point in moaning over some guy who isn't even going to consider marriage as the reason why you left him right?"

"He isn't just some guy!" Ruka and I said simultaneously.

"He's a stupid idiot who thinks he rules the world!" I said just as Ruka said, "He's a guy who just doesn't know how to express his feelings properly."

"I stand uncorrected," Hotaru decided, sitting down. Ruka followed suit an they ordered a hot chocolate and an ice lemon tea. "Anyway, why are you moping over him? I mean, if he pissed you off that much, why think about him?"

"Cause he's not just any other guy," I whispered. "I've been with him for eight years and even if he won't admit it, I will. I love him and blast if it wasn't the very thing that was making me miserable as hell. Why does he always have to play with my heart until I feel like I have to kill myself?!" I dropped my head onto the table. "Neh, Hotaru-chan, Ruka-pyon…" I said softly, my voice muffled. "Why does it hurt so badly? If this is love…I don't want to fall in love."

"I knew he would break your heart," I heard. I looked up and saw Hotaru's eyes filled with guilt. "I knew the moment I let him care for you that he would break your heart. What did I expect differently? He's Hyuuga and he always will be."

"He just needs a little push is all," Ruka said patiently. He looked lovingly at Hotaru and I felt my heart wrench. "I mean, come on, Hotaru. Give him a little chance. I'm sure Natsume will live up to your expectations soon enough. Have a little heart."

"Alright," she gave in. "But just for you." She cuddled closer from the cool early February wind. Winter was almost over but the snow still occasionally fell. I felt tears brimming in my eyes. That's exactly what I wanted with Natsume. All the pain in the world that I felt for the past weeks were sudden baring their teeth and sinking them into my flesh.

"I've gotta go," I said, abruptly standing up. "I have a photo shoot with Vera Wang and I later a meeting with Meg Cabot about interviewing her about her new book. Hey, I'll bring back some chocolate cake from Barry's later okay? He promised to make some so I will see you later. If I'm late, don't wait up okay?"

I gathered up my notebook and The Book, and began walking away…and tripped on an invisible rock and landed on my butt. "Itai!" I screeched. I heard laughter and saw Ruka struggling to keep in his guffaws as Hotaru just shook her head disapprovingly. I grinned sheepishly, got up quickly and walked away, hailing a cab. I didn't see Hotaru pick up a photo that slipped out of my notebook and sigh sadly…

It's a good thing I didn't because I don't think my heart could have taken much more.

* * *

--,--,--,

I crept into the apartment. Hotaru had insisted that I got my Filofax and my wallet from the apartment since they were important. Everything that ranged from birthdays, meetings and interviews was recorded inside that tiny laptop, and ever since that night, my work life had been a hectic mess of jumbled up schedules (poor Jenny had to call every single one of my clients to get back all the dates and times of the meetings). I made her promise to record everything from then on twice just in case anything like that ever happened again.

The losing my Filofax, not the boyfriend-breaks my heart-scene, I mean.

But seriously, I thought for the millionth time, even if he wasn't proposing, why would you give your girlfriend an **electronic device** when chocolate is way more _**satisfying**_ and **cheaper**??

The apartment was pretty much empty and (thank goodness!) Natsume wasn't home…yet. I don't think I could look at him again without wanting to knock him with a frying pan. I silently (don't know why but I had this feeling at the base of my spine) crept around in my 2-inch Dolce and Gabbana heels to my dressing table where I remembered I left my Filofax.

It wasn't there.

Never mind, I didn't have time to play about looking for it. I grabbed my wallet, make-up and this cute Miss Selfridge dress I bout two weeks ago and stuffed them into a handbag. I began searching again for my Filofax when the tingling started all over again, this time killing me with its quick tickles. Not taking much notice, I hunted under the desk in a corner of the room.

"Looking for this?" a deep, masculine voice asked.

I froze and silently cursed fate. In my hurry to escape, the back of my head connected with the bed's metal frame. "Itai!" I exclaimed in pain. Rubbing the back of my injured cranium, I stood and met Natsume's eyes, not an easy feat since he had about 20cm over me, meaning I was facing his chest. He was smiling…and holding my Filofax. "Give me back my life, you arrogant jerk of a homosapian!" I snapped.

"Not until you explain why ditch me after one hell of a sex and avoid me like the plague for two weeks," he said.

"I'm not compromising," I argued. I sighed. "I wasn't avoiding you," I lied, oddly convincingly. "I was just busy. Just so you know, my world doesn't revolve around you. I have important lunches, meetings and dinners with important people, most of them who aren't you."

"Yeah," he said, suspicion in his eyes. "You had lunches planned coincidentally for every single day of the week, a meeting every time I dropped by and even on Sundays which you swear is your no-work day. Hah, you don't even come home when work is over…really busy huh?"

"Yeah, so what if I am avoiding you?"

"Why are you avoiding me? It's not like you, Polka."

"Stop calling me that!" I burst. "Look, I don't want to talk about it. Maybe you just did something wrong."

"Then tell me!"

"If I tell you, you won't learn anything from it. If you can't figure it out, then let me be damned if I forgive you!"

He sighed and placed my Filofax on the table. "Okay, fine," he conceded. "I'm leaving for Afghanistan in few hours and I just wanted to see you for a little while before I left. Thank Imai when you see her."

"Afghanistan?"

"Yeah, the CIA has some business there."

"But it's a war zone out there!"

"That's the risk I'm taking," he said. He smirked. "Why? Worried, Polka?"

"Yeah, I am," I surprised myself by saying. I kissed his cheek. "Please be safe. Don't…don't do anything stupid." I ran, letting all that pain out of its Pandora's Box and let it overwhelm me.

* * *

--,--,--,--,

"I don't think I've ever been so confused in my life, Ruka," I said later, my haversack swung over my shoulder. "I mean, what happened? Is she crazy or something? I mean, she has crazy, sweet sex with me, cries after seeing her present, leaves, avoids me for two weeks, comes back to the apartment (albeit with some hoax on Imai's half, thank her by the way), finds out I'm going out into an active war zone, kisses me and tells me to be safe then runs off!"

"Well, desperate times make desperate friends. You have to admit it, they are risking your life a whole lot aren't they?"

"Yeah but…argh, I swear, Sakura Mikan is ten times harder to understand than the average female." Ruka shrugged and patted my arm.

"Just…give her some space. You did mess up."

"That's just it! I don't know what I did wrong!"

"If she has to explain what you did wrong, you're never going to understand."

"That's what she said!"

"Yeah, and Hotaru told me that a long time ago and I'll say, I'm wiser now thanks to it."

"Well, yippee for you," I grumbled.

"_Flight 6077 to Malawi is now ready for boarding. Will all passengers please head to the boarding hall to get ready for take-off. I repeat. Flight 6077 to Malawi is now ready for boarding. Will all passengers please head to the boarding hall to get ready for take-of_f," the intercom went. "_Thank you_."

"Well, that's mine."

"But you said you were going to Afghanistan. That's a flight to Malawi."

"You know I'm going to Afghanistan, I know I'm going to Afghanistan but the other people around here don't know," I said. "I mean, dude, some secrecy please." I grinned and clasped his forearm. "Take care of her, okay, Ruka?"

"Yeah, I will."

I turned and began walking away. And for a moment there, I thought I saw Mikan peeping from behind the column. I shook it off, thinking it was a hallucination. As I walked through the tube connecting the hall and the airplane, I couldn't help but turn back and look through the windows back at JKF Airport. I saw Sakura Mikan at the glass wall, watching me with sad eyes.

I smiled to myself and continued walking, a wrench in my heart.

_I'll come back, Polka. _

_I promise_…

* * *

**A/N: Yay! I finally did this chapter and after Chapter 3, the real fun begins...muaahahahah...**


	3. March Returns

Author's Note: Hey all! I'm so sorry this took so long and it's so short! I promise the next chapter (April Rejoinings) will be nicer...to read and to write (for me).. haha... me thinks that Hemorrhage is a little..paused for a while so I'm really sorry.. I hope you've enjoyed this story up til now.. More later!

-Blase

_Dedicated to  
**archdemonlord  
**You've been a real inspiration to me!_

_In light of the situation..._

_...assumptions are not to be taken lightly..._

**"March is a month of considerable frustration**

**it is so near spring and yet across a great deal  
of the country the weather is still so violent and changeable**

**that outdoor activity in our  
yards seems light years away."  
**- _Thalassa Cruso_

* * *

**Chapter 3: March Returns**

_First week of March_

The numbers were fabulous. The Accounts department at Jubilant were so profound with joy, they had champagne corks flying everywhere. Okay, I jest but hey, when you do bag a whopping 12 million in the one month with two more weeks to go, you gotta celebrate a little. Yeah, so my partying was toned down a little since I was obviously not in the spirit and the February issue took a lot out of me.

Yeah, I hadn't had a single cup of caffeine in about three weeks.

Maybe I was worried sick that my boyfriend who I thought was going to propose and when he didn't, I ended up crying my heart out and avoiding him has gone off to some godforsaken hot spot of a war zone and all he thought about before leaving was me, making me feel like an ass of a girlfriend.

Oh yeah, I definitely needed some caffeine in my blood. I leaned my forehead against the cool glass of a yellow taxi and stared out as the Upper East Side rushed past me a dreary, drenched blur of colors. I felt all that pain and confusion rock against me as for the one hundredth time, I thought again and again, 'I miss Natsume'. I hadn't heard from him in two weeks.

Ruka said that communication out there was going to be tough. Apparently, out of the month he'd be spending there on some secret CIA mission, he was probably going to be closest to technology during the first three days and the last three days. Which basically had 'girl, your boy is going to be MIA for the next month so get over it'. Humiliatingly, he saw me at the airport and grinned knowingly, just itching to say I told you so.

Argh!

So, in a typical heartbroken manner, I threw myself into work to distract myself (and to prevent the couch potato behavior of sitting in the living room, eating ice cream and watching cheesy soap operas (yes, I could do that because, hello! Editor-in-chief and founder make any sense??).

Even Jansen couldn't bring me out of the total emo-state I was in … and when Jansen-and-shopping-bonanza-offer-with-lunch-at-The Apartment combo (which he hardly makes due to the fact he ONLY wears Hugo Boss, Dockers and generally 'male-only' lines, he despises going to Versace, Prada and of the like) can't bring me out of a stupor, you know something is wrong.

My phone began bleating out my text message ring tone. Reaching into my Christian Dior handbag, I found a message from Hotaru on the screen. We text-ed back and forth while I sat in that yellow taxi in a typical bumper-to-bumper traffic jam.

**Hotaru:** _R u free? _

**Me:** _Why? _(I can't stand the short forms…it would drive any English major nuts…Hotaru just doesn't get it…)

**Hotaru:** _You + Me + Ruka + Jansen + Yuu-Nonoko + Anna-Koko at Barry's for Choco-lunch…be there or I'll dish your head with the Idiot Gun_

**Me:** _You still have it?? I thought you said it was a childish toy from your past_

**Hotaru:** _I did…but since u r a childish adult, it's obvious u are perfectly suited 2 it_

**Me:** _Shut up. Stop using that short form!_

**Hotaru:** _Make me_

**Me:** _Now, who's the child?_

**Hotaru:** _U_

**Me:** _Oh, hush! I'll be there in…give or take forty minutes in this bloody jam._

**Hotaru:** _stop using that Brit speak and I'll stop using short forms_

**Me: **_I'm British educated. I will obviously speak/type like a Brit! U have got it all wrong!_

**Hotaru:**_ Haha…made you short-form…_

**Me:**_ Oh…shut up._

I snapped my phone shut and glared outside. Sadly, (this had been happening a lot as of late) the glare slowly changed to one of (I know this because I've seen it in my compact mirror…not a pretty sight) melancholy and absolute emo-ness. I felt all that bad karma, like a punishment for destroying a fabulous pair of Jimmy Choo's, falling on me. Jenny even suggested feng shui! I'm desperate but not _that_ desperate.

The moment the taxi began moving a little, I yelled at the driver to stop and shoved about thirty bucks (don't the heroines/heroes always do that??), got out and began walking the next six blocks to Barry's in my 'sensible' pair of Converse shoes. To be honest, my wardrobe had taken a nosedive since Natsume left, my spirit to accessorize and dress had completely gone flying.

I know, I'm pathetic.

Three blocks later and I found myself half an hour away from my destination, increasingly more depressed and one and a half buckets of tears drenching my face. In the window of this cute little tea shop, I saw a guy and a girl softly kissing each other and I rubbed eyes with my palms. I had to stop thinking about him!!

I pushed the doors of Barry's to find the place nearly empty, except for the group of eight all huddled in the back of the bakery. The faint smell of macadamia and cinnamon floated around, teasing my emotionally exhausted mind. I blinked at the sight beheld on the five Paris-café styled tables that had been grouped together. A mountain of food and alcohol all sat in a tight wedge as I felt the burden on my shoulder dissipate just a little.

"Okay, Sakura," Jansen said, pushing me into a chair. "It's time to drown your sorrows in drink. We're going to get you so drunk, you're going to have alcohol spewing out of you ears." They all grinned and the noise-fest began.

We'd done things like this before, renting out the whole of Barry's café to celebrate or just meet up randomly and talk about the days in the Academy and what happened in the lives that we rarely talked about. Jansen and Jenny were probably the only people who knew our little Alice secret. It was comforting to talk to someone who wasn't an Alice. Gatherings like these were what kept me sane most of my life.

Except Natsume was usually with us.

I, knowing this very well, drank and drank bottle after bottle of vodka, throwing myself into an infinite abyss of pure, unadulterated blur-ness. I stumbled into my apartment about five hours later, the night's memories a whoosh of color and laughter. I was humming a stanza of 'We Are The Champions' because, hell, I couldn't even think a single coherent thought.

That night, I dreamt of Natsume and I, standing on the winner's podium.

Oh, phooey, you stupid pink elephant.

* * *

--,--,--,

_**Ring!**_

"Mm?"

_**Ring!**_

"_Wha-?_"

_**RING! **_

The godforsaken ringing of the phone wouldn't shut up. I snapped awake as the ringing, I realized, wasn't in my dreams. I clamored to find the phone I'd bought when I fell in love with it while walking past an antique store. Love at first sight, I tell you! It was straight out of the 1920's.

"Hello?" I mumbled nearly incoherently. I mean, who would call at three _freaking_ a.m.?

"Hi, this is Mark Darlin speaking," the deep voice of the CIA's second-in-command said. Second only to Natsume, of course. "Is Miss Sakura Mikan there?"

"You're calling my house, Mark," I said in a wryly, letting a little of the annoyance I felt show. "Of course I'm home at the time you're calling me. So, to what do I owe this great honor?"

"Speak like an American, you silly British-ized Japanese!" he snapped.

"Okay, okay, I give," I said, laughing a little. I coughed a little. "Why are you calling me so early in the morning, you bastard?! I could sue you!"

"That's more like it," he said, sounding satisfied. The line grew quiet.

"Mark? Are you still there?"

"Mikan, I'm so sorry," he said in a solemn voice. "Could you open the door? I'm outside."

"Uh, right." I grabbed my Brown University letterman and walked out to the hall…where I promptly crashed into the hat-stand. After wrestling with the wooden stick, I opened the white apartment door to find Mark looking at me with a sympathetic expression. "Hey, Markey. What's up?"

"Mikan, I'm so sorry," he said. "I should never have let him out there."

I felt my face lose all color and heat, becoming as white as paper. No, I thought, he doesn't know what he's saying…no…no…no! I let my mind spin uncontrollably as I thought of what could have happened to him. No…

"…he was ambushed," I heard when I tuned back to reality. "The camp was packing up as they headed for the choppers. Then, they struck."

I gulped down my saliva, feeling my throat constrict. "H-how…how bad is he?"

"He's at Mercy Hospital downtown," he said. "The doctors are still working on him but they should be done soon. He has a punctured left lung, a broken leg, several broken ribs, his arm is snapped in two places." He stopped as I slid to the ground. I felt the liquid sadness restrict my throat. The noise in my head that signaled that the panic that had built up since he'd left roared like a wave and I suddenly couldn't see anything past the watery wall of tears that blurred my vision.

* * *

--,--,--,

Too still.

That was my very first thought that came to mind when I saw him lying there, tubes of all sorts plugged into him as if he was some kind of adaptor. You know all those cheesy romance novels that have the hero crying over the loss of the person they love (but they don't actually lose them since it's just a case of a bumped head or something…)? Yeah, I knew how it felt now.

That was my last thought for the next three weeks.

_Last week of March _

My weary eyes blinked as the coffee machine whirred away. The slow plop of the muddy coffee didn't register in my mind as I stared into oblivion. Even the disgusting taste of mud water-caffeine was gone. I felt the walls of the sterile hospital come closer and closer with every ticking second gone.

I returned to the ward I now knew so well. Everything was the same; the same detergent smell, the white washed walls, the white lights that'd been exchanged for daylight, the white bed and Natsume lying in it. He hadn't moved from that position since they moved him from the ICU last week.

I returned to my vigil next to his bed where the February issue sat heavily. Jansen had called earlier to confirm the last part of the March issue: _**So your boyfriend dumped you…party like an animal!!**_ Seriously, in the totally vulnerably emotional state I was currently in, it wasn't the most ideal move to help with it. And so, Anna and Jansen worked on it together while I helped with the advertisement pages.

I slumped there in the plastic blue chair and stared at his face.

The memories of the last eight years flashed by. Natsume could have died on any one of those missions and he chose to let go now? I could have slapped him if I didn't feel like my heart was going to break any moment then. That was it. That was the last straw. I threw down the magazine on his bed as I got up. My old sling bag that sat on the floor was on my shoulder. It contained the few pieces of clothing that I'd brought along. I hadn't left this hospital for more than two hours a day.

I couldn't do it anymore.

The pain was killing me inside and if this was what I had to go through every single time he got hurt, I wasn't going to survive this lifetime. I turned to leave then stopped. Heaving a sigh, I looked back at his face. It was funny. I always thought that Natsume looked like an angel while he slept unlike the devil he was when he was awake. That was what occurred to me since we were younger. But now, that angel was not unlike a devil in disguise, causing me hurt in the very reaches of my heart.

I kissed him and turned to leave but I couldn't…literally. His hand was clamped around my wrist and my breath quickened.

"Mikan…?"

I turned and saw the slightly opened eyes of ruby looking at me with confused clarity. What a paradox… Tears I'd come to believe had run out began filling my eyes again as I saw the most joyful sight in the past three weeks and I rubbed them away. I shook my hand free and kissed his face. "I'll go get the nurse. You stay first, okay?"

He didn't really have a choice. I slid open the glass doors and talked to the nurse at the nearest station, a good ten feet away. "Erm, excuse me, my friend is awake. Can you get Dr. Kuroki? The patient is Hyuuga Natsume in room 304."

The nurse must have thought I was crazy to have not looked overjoyed, what with my haggard and solemn face. But she went, "Yes, of course!"

"Can you…can you call this number and tell the person that he's awake? This is Mark Darlin and tell him…tell him that Sakura Mikan has gone back to Japan for a little while…and don't go looking for her." The nurse nodded and I turned away.

I returned to the room and saw what I thought was a faint smile but with Natsume, I never really knew. I knelt next to his bed and held his hand close. "Hey, you. where've you been all this while?"

"Apparently, I don't know," he said, a small smirk on his face. He never changes. His face turned solemn. "I was walking around this dark place. I couldn't see anything…I didn't have anything. Like now…I don't have anything of worth now." I felt that go straight to my heart. His words were sometimes careless and I'd learned that when we were younger but…this time, it was different.

I smiled tentatively. "Erm, I'm going to go home and change. I've been here since yesterday night and I need to freshen up. Mark is coming so you just relax for a little while, okay?" The doctor came in and picked up the chart at the foot of the bed. "So, how are you doing Mr Hyuuga?"

He shrugged. "I've been better." I grinned and felt all the sadness disappear…for all of two seconds. I kept up the façade and turned to walk away. Before leaving I turned to talk to Dr. Kuroki.

"Could you tell Mark Darlin later that I've gone to Japan for a little while? I've asked the nurse to tell him but also tell him…I need time and that…don't tell Natsume where I've gone alright?"

"Of course, Miss Sakura," he said, smiling.

I smiled and turned away. Huffing and puffing the cool end-winter air, I hailed a cab and in three hours later, I was on a plane on course to Japan.

I needed to find peace for a little while. Running away was a coward's way out but right then, I needed to run away to find myself.

--,--,--,

* * *


End file.
